he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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