I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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