If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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