you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
