we have pet lesbian snakes
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
