Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
