i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
