remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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