so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize