I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I currently don't understand fingers.
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