can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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