If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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