Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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