I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
