so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
