you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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