I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize