you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
