well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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