i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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