i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
