i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
