aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
