I just pynch a tree in the face
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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