I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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