I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
