Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
