and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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