I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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