I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
