Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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