She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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