So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This is the high leading the old right now
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize