If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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