You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
