there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
