i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
