tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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