Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
