my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
