i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
