He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
