I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
