i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
