you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
