I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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