We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
