she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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