Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize