He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
