I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
