p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
