If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
