Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
This is not my ceiling
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
