I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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