I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
