I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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