So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
