I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
