Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
