I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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