i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
