I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
