Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
