its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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