I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
