My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
