Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
