I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
His nipple licking is glorious
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