Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
