if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
