winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
