Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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