Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
