Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i believe in u and ur pee
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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