dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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