I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
