Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
