Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
