I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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