You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
