i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
