No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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