can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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