history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
