he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
