a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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