you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
