I don't usually arrange sex via text message
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
