TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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