So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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