A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
