Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
