Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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