Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
