i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
