When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
