Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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