no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
