Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
