Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
