This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
