Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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