Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
