Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
