After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
