She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
