I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
