dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
