Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
