You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
