I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
