are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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