I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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