I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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